Ode to Toilet Paper

This is Toilet Paper...

I love toilet paper. It has to be one of the greatest inventions of all time. It has many uses including, but not limited to, the following:

• wipe your tushey


• stuff your bra


• stop bleeding when your hubby cuts himself shaving


• packing material when moving


• yard decoration (TP-ing someones house)


• make-up remover


• nail polish remover


• a tissue for a runny nose


• Halloween costumes (like mummy’s, or zombies)


• wrapping paper for small presents


• and to eat if you are starving

Thinking of all of the wonderful things that you can do with Toilet Paper, it makes me wonder what people did BEFORE the life changing invention. So I did some research...Did you know that back in the day Eskimos used tundra moss when available in the summer months, and handfuls of snow during the rest of the year? Also, those living on the coast or in tropical areas used mussel shells or old coconut shells. (Ouch!!) In ancient Rome, the popular item was a sponge attached to the end of a stick, then set in salt water. But the grossest was in the Eastern parts of the world. They saw it socially correct to use their LEFT HAND!!! And that is why why most cultures use their right hands when meeting new people. Can you even imagine? I can't stand anything even remotely sticky on my hand and there is no way I could have wiped ANYTHING with EITHER hand!

For the next part *Reader Discretion is Advised*

As Heroic as TP is, it also has a DARK SIDE...(DUM, DUM, DUM) It is a lot like Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde. This is a picture of the evil version of the white, soft, fluffy stuff.

*Gasp with horror* I know right?! Just the look of this thing right here gives me the heebie geebies. Which brings me to my actual reason for writing this post. At work we have a sinister villain with very poor bathroom hygiene habits. I swear to you everyday I use the bathroom and there is an EMPTY roll just hanging there, like a homicide victim! We even have a small cabinet that we keep backup rolls in. How hard is it to take out a new one and put it on the blasted holder? Also I make it a habit if the roll is at least 1/2 way gone, I get a back up roll and set it on the back of the John. If I ever catch who is doing it, I swear, they will be very sorry! So if you are reading this and you are the culprit, save yourself some pain, and just replace the sinking TP roll!

Thank You